Monthly Archives: January 2011

A Poem For A January Monday

jessica’s the very best
the very best is she
but i don’t want to jinx it lest
she think the same of me

it’s hard not to believe that we
were meant for one another;
that we one day, paired up’d be
a father and a mother

for when she opens up the door
and steps inside our dwelling –
i know just who her smile is for
without the need of telling

we’ll marry soon, so very soon,
upon a hill in town
four weeks after the end of june –
the days they dwindle down

i love her dear, that much i know
it’s quite a thought to ponder
and every day the notions grows
out to the great blue yonder

in twenty years we’ll cast our eyes
back towards the early days
in fifty years, when old and wise,
we’ll while the hours away

not for a tiny moment did
i ever feel a doubt
i never ran and never hid
t’was naught to doubt about

we two, together, fortune found
along a lonesome hallway
if it’s the other way around,
i thank you fortune, always

we step together, into life
in sadness and in laughter –
i’ll be her husband, her my wife,
and all that follows after.

How To Get A Header In Life

So hey: do you remember how I won a giveaway? Sure you do. It was my most recent post. Lizzie from Love Your Way offered to make me a new header for the blog, and so I sent her this photo:

And I said: all I really want is this photo incorporated somehow, plus the title of the blog. She said, all casual-like, “cool, I’ll make a few options and then we can get into some revisions.”

Then, only a few days later, she sent me the banner you now see at the top of the blog, and asked me if I wanted any revisions. I responded by quoting father of Taoism Lao Tsu at his wisest:

That which is already perfect can scarcely be revised.

Also, as if she weren’t cool enough already, she based the color on my Jokemakers blog, which I am sad to report is still on hiatus but DON’T WORRY EVERYONE we’ll be back on track eventually. We still have a repository of some couple hundred jokes that will eventually find their rightful place on the pages of the Internet.

So it is with a big smile and sincere gratitude that I offer my deep thanks to Lizzie for the most excellent new clothing she’s sewn for my little blog.

I Won Something!

And that thing is: a giveaway! I finally won a giveaway and I’m tinkled pink about it. Lizzie over at Love Your Way hosted (threw? Held?) a giveaway the other day in which the winner would be crowned King Of Blogs and Internet-Based Journaling for precisely one day.

No, not really. But what I did win was maybe even cooler, because let’s be honest, who wants that kind of responsibility? I won a custom-designed banner/header for my blog to replace the oddly-cropped thing you see above. If it’s even a trifle as cool as her newly redesigned blog, well, I’ll be stoked.

Here’s a partial list of things I have won in my life:

– Tickets to an A’s game in 1994. I was taking a bath and listening to an A’s game on the radio, and they had a contest during every game back then where the 5th caller to correctly tell them who was pitching for the A’s (after a prompt) won two tickets to a future game. I scrambled out of the tub and made a mad dash fro the phone, called, and was the 5th caller. The pitcher was Ron Darling. 1994 was the year of the strike and I never got to use my tickets and my childhood abruptly ended and all magic was sucked out of the world.

– A McSweeney’s contest that coincided with the release of a book called The Future Dictionary Of America – “An imagining of what a dictionary might look like about thirty years hence, when the world’s problems are solved and our current president is a distant memory, the book is by turns funny, outraged, utopian, and dyspeptic.” Along with three other folks, my entry won me a free copy of the book and a misspelling of my name as “Brent” even though I wrote to them to correct it.

– A Customer Service Award at a previous job, where I ran study abroad programs for American high schoolers. I won a $50 gift card and the admiration of untold millions in the customer service industry. And now the award is called the Bret Turner Memorial Customer Service Award, which is awkward because I’m not dead. No, it’s not really called that, but it was nice to win it and it happened because a woman (the mother of a high schooler on a program) that I went out of my way to help wrote a very nice email to my boss praising me, and as a result of that I occasionally ask to speak to a supervisor when I’ve had a particularly good experience over the phone with someone. Who knows, that person may well be the next recipient of the BTMCS Award.

– Jessica’s Heart. Sorry, had to write it.

Consider The Spork

This post is about the spork. It has no place on a wedding blog, really, but you’re a brave trooper to read it. It has FICTION in it. Or, pseudo-fiction. It’s silly. Very silly. A writing exercise, really.

You all know the spork:

As a word of caution, this post is entirely about sporks. Its one tenuous relationship to weddings is that while composing my as-yet-unpublished post about my friend and groomsman Andy, I stumbled upon a memory we had once of a discussion of utensils. That’s it. Jessica and I are not going to have sporks at our wedding, as far as I know. Or maybe we will, if that’s what my parents want because sporks are a wedding tradition in both their families from generations ago that I didn’t know about.

So: Andy asked me, many moons ago when we were on this weird, beautiful island called “College” (or at least that’s how I remember it going down) – “Bret, if you could choose one utensil and one utensil only to have with you on a desert island, which would you choose?”

After a few minutes of deliberation I said with supreme confidence: “A spork. I would choose a spork.”

And in that moment, the emerged a fundamental, axiological difference between us, a difference that is still healing. A difference that gnaws at my soul when I breathe deeply.

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Hooray, Etc.

Guys, big news: I feel like I have finally become a fully-fledged, dyed-in-the-wool wedding blogger. Why’s that? Well: I’m posting about crafts! Not only crafts, but about a specific wedding craft project we did on New Years’ Eve with the help of some lovely friends. There was puffy paint and glitter and scissors and everything.

The basic idea, inspired from here, was to make little flags that people could wave around that would say “YAY!” on them, thereby communicating in a flagular way that they felt yayish about us getting married. Lilli, a bridesmaid/BFF of Jessica’s/completely excellent person and friend, decided to cement herself into the “Coolest People Of All Time” category by going out and procuring all the supplies, organizing a New Year’s Eve that featured a craft party, and setting up the cutest damn craft table you ever did saw. Then a group of fantastic friends spent a good chunk of the day cutting and decorating the flags, and in the end it turned out that “YAY” was merely the tip of the iceberg.

We still have some more flags to make, and they have not yet been attached to the wooden sticks, but they look really great. To wit:

In the meantime, I was busy preparing to bake 18 sourdough pizzas for the hungry masses. There was dough to rise and shape, toppings to cook, a restless dog to look after, photos to take, and beers to drink.


I’d also like to say Happy New Year to you, dear readers, and to extend a very sincere thank-you to anyone who reads this blog. As I told Adria (a very loyal reader and dispenser of great wedding advice) when she dropped by, every shred of evidence that someone reads the blog – comments especially – is like a little piece of candy. Delicious, chocolate-covered candy.