Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your hats; if you don’t wear a hat, find one, put it on, and then hold onto it. Thought to be extinct for months, killed off by extended periods of inactivity, a Groomzilla specimen was fished out of the waters of the Internet yesterday, a modern-day coelocanth.
Here is how it went down:
I was in bed, reading my latest Michael Connelly mystery (I’m a man obsessed), Wynette safely tucked into her crate, Jessica readying herself for her favorite activity of all (sleeping), when something awful dawned upon me.
“Baby,” I said, “sometimes you don’t respond to my text messages.”
“What!” she exclaimed, a glint of guilt (a guilt-glint) forming on her face. “No I don’t!”
“Ahem,” I replied, “case in point: today I texted you and you never responded.”
“What! I never got a text from you!”
“Are you sure?”
“Oh wait…” she said, remembering. “Yeah. Yeah, I did. It was that one about not cleaning the kitchen?”
“Well, what was there to say?”
“Oh, baby. We’re engaged now. When you’re engaged, you HAVE to respond to EVERY TEXT I SEND YOU.”