The Tale Of The Three Andrews, Part II: Drew

[We follow up the critically-acclaimed, controversial Tale Of The Three Andrews, Part I: Andrew with Part II, this time focusing on Drew, the second of my three groomsmen named Andrew. Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion (Part III: Andy), to be aired soon.]

The other day as I was trying out my new bike-and-walk-and-bike-and-walk method of getting to work, covering 4 hilly miles, winding my way up Mount Berkeley, ultimately emerging triumphant out of the summer the fog onto the sun-splashed summit topped by my lovely preschool workplace, I mulled over something in my mind: how do I describe my friendship with Drew?

This is Drew, who I’ve known since the early days of high school:

Drew is my best man, my best friend, and if I weren’t already betrothered to Jessica, I’d probably ask Drew to marry me. I bet he’d say yes. Right Drew?

Here are a few fundamental facts to know about Drew; his “Player Card,” so to speak:

– Just turned 29. He’s a Leo. Wears his heart on his sleeve and his pancreas on his jeans. Loves long walks on the beach and medium-length walks in the hills. Gets sick when he drinks whiskey and yet drinks it anyway. Works hard, plays harder, writes plays about work hardest.

– Drew and Andrew actually knew each other separately; they went to camp together as kids. Why Andrew didn’t introduce me to Drew back then I’ll never understand; think of the lost jokes. Thousands of them! That joke-blood is on your hands, Andrew. Or should I say Handrew?

Me and Drew in high school, rockin' the baggy clothes, on our way to an open mic where I can assure you the house was brought down and the roof was raised.

– He can balance large items on his chin for varying lengths of time. Brooms, guitars, small elephants – you name it, he’ll balance it. For a price. That price is your soul. Which he can balance on his chin.

– Is a great photographer. Like, actually great, not like all those people who say “I’m a photographer” and then you l0ok at their body of work and you’re like “ummm… really nice!” and then you feel dirty after. Here’s a few of his excellent pictures, from his Flickr page:

– Loves music. Listening to it, singing it, dancing to it, and being immersed in it 365 days a week. He once built a large tank that he filled up with music; he then jumped in, naked, and swam in music for days. He wound up in the hospital, barely coherent, where doctors had to pump the music out of his lungs and stomach. He was heard to mutter “don’t… stop… the music” before finally passing out in a puddle of his own disco.

– Makes jokes and puns and wordplay in general as often as I do. Heck, he’s a founding member of The Jokemakers. If he were here right now we’d both try to make a joke out the phrase “founding member” and it would probably be about the willies of our founding fathers. Our friend Claudia once suggested that when a trigger phrase gets spoken – pretty much anything that could be punned – that she’d start a stopwatch and whoever “punned it” first would win.

– Is incredibly tolerant of everything, except movies. Lifestyles, choices, art, clothing, hobbies – Drew has taught me how to accept almost every choice people make to be happy and to be creative, from larping to harping and everything in between. It’s one of his defining character traits and one of the reasons I respect and love him so much. When it comes to movies, though… let’s just say he and I have made a habit of going to really popular movies like Inception and Pan’s Labyrinth and talking about what we didn’t like about them afterwards. He did like Syriana, though, and, um… Hot Tub Time Machine.

Andrew bought us these matching jackets, thinking we might look good in them. He was right!

– This one time back in high school, on my birthday, Drew took me to our favorite burrito place near the high school – La Cascada – and treated me to lunch. The total came to $12.12 – which happened to be my birthday (December 12th). WHOA. It was perhaps that moment more than any other that, in the early days, cemented our status as BFFs forever.* Plus, we ordered guacamole on our burritos, which got accidentally left out of our burritos and off the receipt – but had it been added, the total would no longer have matched my birth date. I mean is that crazy or what.

*[Yes, I know that BFF already has the word Forever in it. We’re Best Friends Forever FOREVER. That’s how good friends we are.]

So those are the basics about Drew. He’s a great guy, a fantastic and loyal friend, a very talented individual, a critical thinker, a world-class punsmith, a shoulder to cry on, a Crayon to shoulder, a great listened, an amazing dancer, a kind and loving human being, and I love him like I love a hot cup of coffee on a frigid Bay Area August afternoon. More, even. Well, the same for sure.

I can tell Drew anything, usually in the form of R. Kelly’s “Real Talk.” I trust him as much as I trust myself. We’re frequently confused for another because of our nearly identical senses of humor; at parties, we’re often viewed as a duo more than as two separate people. “Oh boy,” people will say to us, “I was hoping you two would be at the party.” But it has to be us both; one of us on our own won’t cut it.

Drew: I love you deep and true. Thanks for being my best man. Because you’re a pretty great man, and you best know it.

– Bret


8 responses to “The Tale Of The Three Andrews, Part II: Drew

  1. I love Drew too and I love Bret and Drew as well, even if I don’t always understand their punny talk. I just say the words out loud and laugh anyways. Super photographer Drew, super SUPER, I mean.

  2. I am loving the love letters to your wedding party.

  3. Yeah, same as Sarah, above. This is real great.

  4. i love you guys. and that’s some real talk.

  5. Yay! Drew is great!! Great post, and great pictures, drew!

  6. Awwww!!!!!!!!!!!

    ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤


  7. P.S.–I am amazed by your ability to make the word “disco” sound disgusting.

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