Whoops! I Didn’t Post!

You may have noticed that I didn’t post yesterday. Actually, you probably didn’t. I am sure you haven’t memorized which days I post and which I don’t. Jessica noticed, bien sur. My mom noticed, mainly because she’s a mom and since Jessica and I went to a wedding that was a 4-hour drive away over the weekend, and I always post on Mondays, and the worry-gears started turning, and a missed post raised a small flag of concern. I totally understand – I’m a worrier too. So is Jessica. So’s my sister. Drew is also a worrier, but in a different way. He used to start a lot of sentences with “I worry that…” and it would be something about the color of tile we chose for the kitchen we were renovating, and I got the image of Drew staying up all night, rocking back and forth in a corner of the darkened room, worrying. That doesn’t sound particularly funny, but trust me. It’s a laugh riot.

As those of you with blogs know, it’s really hard to blog every day. I am relieved at the convention of not blogging on the weekends, because five days is hard enough as it is. As I’ve crossed into “under-a-year-left” land, I’ve come to the realization that I just can’t post five days a week. Some weeks I might. Some I won’t. This is, after all, a Wedding Blog, and sometimes I feel that I’m contributing to the “Overproportionization of Weddings” – that’s a scientific term – that leads to all sorts of nonsense surrounding weddings. I remind myself from time to time that it’s ONE DAY, one party, one event in a lifetime of events, and that because of history, tradition, and industry, it’s so much more than that. Which is part of the reason I try to make this blog more than just about weddings (which is also what some of my favorite wedding blogs do too), because: (1) it’s just a wedding, (2) we have lives going on, (3) there’s a lot to talk about, and (4) it’s just a wedding.

So, part of the reason I didn’t post yesterday – and came to the realization that I can’t do five per week anymore – is that Jessica and I had a big, unplanned talk about our wedding that kind of put me into a little funk. Not to worry – it was a hugely productive funk, like say, on the magnitude of George Clinton or James Brown. It was good, old-fashioned funk. But it had the short-term effect of making me want to steer clear of everything wedding, and the last thing I wanted to do was blog.

But a day later, I’m feeling refreshed. Jessica and I both feel a lot better about things, after a reevaluation of our goals, and a couple nights to sleep on it.

Essentially (and without getting too deep into the details) we had a few realizations during our talk, which I shall summarize using bullet points, a popular convention:

– We haven’t really planned very much. We have a venue, a date, we’re collecting jars and beer bottles, we have a beer brewer, an officiant, we have our bridal and groomal parties set, we have a flower-grower, and we’ve done some research into food and photography. Plus, little dalliances about other things here and there. So, I guess that’s a start. But our budget is still full of giant question marks – figuratively giant, of course, they’re actually quite small – which makes us both nervous. There’s a lot of uncertainty there.

– We’re just under a year away. It sounds like a long time, and in reality, it is. It’s 1/30th of my entire life, which is a very long time. It’s 1/3 of the time that Jessica and I have known each other. But it’s easy to let time slip by quickly – when we got engaged, we had 16 months before our wedding. Now it’s under 12. We have to be careful. Time is a devilish she-bitch, a bitchy he-douche, dead set on ruining lives and killing babies. Er… that was harsh. Sorry, Time. You’re cool. But you’re shifty.

– We need to take a step back and look at some of the ‘macro’ issues. For example: Money. $10,000 is not that much when compared to the average American wedding. But at the same time, it’s a huge, huge sum of money. Ten thousand dollars. It’s almost ten times the amount I’ve ever spent on one thing (a computer). It’s $3,000 more than the average income worldwide for an entire year, for crying out loud. We could buy a car – heck, two cars – for that amount. We could toss it into a savings account for a down-payment on a house. Ten thousand dollars represents so many potential purchases, and using it to fund one day’s worth of festivities is sometimes too strange a concept to wrap our minds around. Do we actually want to spend that much? Can we get by with $9,000? With $8,000? With $5,000? What kinds of concessions would we have to make for that to happen?

– Perhaps most importantly, we had some realizations about just how we’re going to plan our wedding. Thus far, it’s been a willy-nilly hodgepodge of ideas, impulsive decisions, ideas that range from awesome (me writing an original song for our first dance) to ludicrous (filling the entire reception room with water and having a ‘scuba wedding’), and long periods of inactivity. It’s not that we’re completely disorganized – we have books, a wedding binder, a budget, a guest list, and other things. But what we don’t have is a plan for HOW to plan.

So: on Saturday, we’re going to have a meeting. I’m in charge of the agenda. In the meeting, I hope to accomplish something very basic: make a plan. A general timeline of events. Some general ideas on how to break down tasks. A simple outline of the major pieces of the wedding. Things like that. I also hope to accomplish a delicious lunch to go along with it. Maybe we’ll do breakfast for lunch. Pancakes and such. Mmmm.

This morning, Jessica suggested we meet regularly – say, once a week – just to check in, which I think is a great idea. Some weeks we won’t have anything to report. Others, we’ll have a lot. But the point is to have a set time where we can discuss ideas, concerns, excitements, maybe drink some beers, and see where we’re at. Structure. Routine.

So: thanks for reading. Have a great Tuesday. I will too.

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9 responses to “Whoops! I Didn’t Post!

  1. This is very reminiscent of our March-May. We panicked, shut down, argued, made up, planned, procrastinated. It was an odd cycle, but somehow it helped us create a wedding.

    We learned that after a while you just gotta wing it. Plans will no go through (the once a week meetings… we tried that too… will fall through sometimes). I would get really mad at ourselves for not being uber-planners, but we had our own way of doing things. I am totally projecting, by the way, you and Jessica will have a perfect plan or a method to your madness, which will churn out a beautiful, home brewed, bread-filled wedding.

    I know what you’re thinking… what’s with weirdly even keel comment? No “OMG you and Jessica are the cutest I wanna be BFFs for life!” So unlike me, right? I’ll let you in on a little secret… it’s the wedding zen. I kid you not. I truly believe that’s what it is.

    Josh and I are zenned out. And blissed out, for that matter.

    Trust me, however you guys do this, it will rock b/c you guys rock. (There, that sounds more like me.)

    • It’s very nice to hear reassurances like this, especially from someone so close to their wedding date. It’s not so much that we’re freaking out – more that we’re realizing we don’t have any idea what we’re doing or how to do it.

  2. Yup, I agree with Angie. Have a plan, but in the end we ended up winging lots of it! This is, after all, our first wedding and neither of us really know what we are doing! And the messy parts are some of the most helpful in an odd sort of way because after those messy moments, you come out stronger and more sure.

    I’m sure you’ll do fine!

    Oh and yes. Time is a slippery biotch! We started seven months ago and that feels like ages now. So definitely do what you can now, but also, don’t stress. You’ll find a way to get it done or just realize that some of the items don’t even need to get done!

    It will all work out and be lovely! (which…when that advice was given to me i was all “yeah, yeah, but for now I’m SPAZING!”…)

  3. I absolutely noticed you didn’t post when I was going to bed last night.

    I am relieved now. Whew. Good post.

  4. I hear ya dude. If I had started my blog with the premise of writing about my wedding every day I would have made it about 3 posts before jumping out my window. Variety is good and breaks are necessary.

  5. My timeline total was less than 8 months for our wedding (then it ended up being 6 months total b/c I moved the date up). I planned it all myself, as you two lovely people are, with not much help other than when people agreed to do something for the wedding day (sing, play guitar, bring food before hand so no one passes out later, make sure I have nothing hanging out of my nose before I walk down the aisle, etc). This is not to toot my own horn (b/c there are def things I would change), but to encourage- I had less time and loved our wedding day… so, you DO have plenty of time and your plan to make a plan is great! Good for you! Your special day will be epitome of awesomeness.

    And please make pancakes for lunch.

    • I’m definitely making pancakes for lunch.

      Yeah, sometimes when I hear about people planning their weddings in 8, 6, 4, even 2 months, I start to feel a little silly.

  6. Hi friends!

    I really like this post. Blogging everyday is hard work–I can’t manage that either 🙂 I am so excited for you guys. It sounds like it is all becoming more and more real now that you are under the year mark. I can totally see how all the planning would get stressful. Just so much to do! I love how the two of you work together–you are SUCH a great team! Hope to see you kids soon!

    Love, mary

  7. It’s easy to get overloaded too b/c thinking about one thing leads to another and another and another…we ended up with a One Topic Per Day rule–only cake, only venue, only food–to stay sane and end up with resolved plans rather than an overwhelming half finished to do list. But as it got closer we just went bonkers about everything instead 😉 Good luck!

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