Me Bret, Me Write Post

On the 4th of July, sitting around a fire in the freezing, damp July air, it was somehow suggested that I write a post on this blog in the style of a caveman who also happened to be a wedding blogger. I really can’t recall how it came about, but my eyes widened as I dreamed of making it a reality. Jessica caught sight of those eyes and bit her lip.

“I’m really gonna do it, you know,” I warned her.

“Oh, baby, no,” she said lovingly but a little warily.

“Baby, yes,” I replied. She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

So I sat down and tried it. I sat at my computer with coffee and a bowl of Kashi “Good Friends” cereal with milk and strawberries. I used to eat Kashi Go-Lean Crunch, which is fantastic, but I switched to Good Friends recently for a change of pace. It has a picture of two smiling people on the box, two people who are evidently Good Friends with each other due to the transformative power of cereal. Jessica is now in the habit of mocking my cereal choice, claiming that Good Friends is a ludicrous name for a breakfast food made of puffed grains and honey, but I cheerfully ignore her and carry on.

I got about this far:

Today hard day. Me hunt mammoth. No one tell me mammoth so big! I all like, whoa! Mammoth hella big! No dinner tonight. Jessica angry. Sleep on separate dirt piles tonight. Cry softly into rock.

12 moons in future: me Jessica marriage! Me: happy. Love Jessica. But, blogging every day hard! Why I start blog? Why Jessica say “Bret, you write blog! All cavebride do it. No cavegroom do. Popular! Fun! Famous! Different!” Why I listen? Why? Is me so powerless against woman-folk?

Internet slow today. Internet slow EVERY day.

Then I stopped. And frankly, I think we can all agree that me stopping was the best thing I could have done that at point.

Jessica and I decided yesterday that we sorely need to get back into wedding planning. We’re hemming and hawing over a photographer that we really want to hire but still have to make sure we can fit into our budget. We have a venue. We’ve decided we’re not using a caterer, and we’ve picked our bridal and groomal parties. Flowers are semi-planned, and a friend is making us beer. We’ve tossed around ideas about food.

But that’s it, really. There’s so much to do. Food. Registries. Linens. Tableware. Music. DIY photobooth! (post upcoming).

I keep saying we have over a year. But by next Wednesday, that won’t be true anymore.

We gotta get crackin’.

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11 responses to “Me Bret, Me Write Post

  1. AWESOME! that could have gone on forever as far as I’m concerned….it was hilarious, thanks for making me laugh, yet again, B. Don’t forget you still need to figure out what to wear and what your first dance will be to….not to any more stress to you two or anything 😛

  2. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Started my day off on the right foot, for sure.

    “12 moons in future: me Jessica marriage! Me: happy. Love Jessica. But, blogging every day hard! Why I start blog? Why Jessica say “Bret, you write blog! All cavebride do it. No cavegroom do. Popular! Fun! Famous! Different!” Why I listen? Why? Is me so powerless against woman-folk?”

    That part killed me!! Haha! Srsly, you need to publish something!

    • I’ve been tinkering with writing a children’s book for a long time. Maybe it’s time I finally do it. I have a couple outlines rarin’ to go.

  3. Hoo boy, that was something else. Isn’t it crazy every time you hit a milestone and you kind of “wake up” about the wedding planning? Hm, its exactly a year away, I better do this! Hm, it’s exactly 6 months away, we really need to do this! Hm, it’s 3 months away WHAT THE EFF HAVE I BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME?!

  4. Bret, you kill it on the daily.

  5. Me wish could write like Bret. Bret write good.

  6. Bret-

    1. This was hilarious.
    2. I wish I could take a screenshot with my iPhone because the google ad above your post was for elephant dung collector. Thought you’d find that funny.
    3. Don’t stress man. One thing that I’ve noticed over the course of planning is that while you’re planning a milestone day it’s just another day. The most important thing is that you and the Jaywalker are surrounded by fam and friends, some tasty eats and crisp brews. The rest will just fall into place.

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