Terrible Wedding Jokes!

I like to make up jokes. So does my best man, Drew. In fact, we have an extremely long gmail thread of back-and-forth jokes that got so long and unruly I had to start a second one; our friend Kale joined us a little later. Some of them are bad; some of them are good-bad; many are pretty funny; a bunch are awful and a few are great. At some point we’re going to put together a blog for all these jokes, and the world will have a little more laughter. Then perhaps a book. Next, a movie deal, a TV show, a graphic novel series, a ride at Great America, and an Off-Broadway play starring Jake Gyllenhaal as me, Gael Garcia Bernal as Drew, and Andy Samberg as Kale.

Me & Jakey

Drew & Gael

Kale & Andy

Totally, right?

Anyway, as my attention these days has shifted a bit towards weddings, I’ve been more apt to try to concoct wedding jokes. Warning for the faint of heart: These are truly bad jokes.

Why did the convict drop his gun at the wedding?
Because he heard the minister say “speak now or forever hold your piece,” and no one said anything.

Why did Mr. Philbin only want a sapling for a wedding gift?
He was just filling out a Regis-tree.

Where did the female horse get hitched?
On the mare-ridge.

One-liner from a wedding cynic: Walk down the aisle? More like, walk down the I won’t!
(get it?)

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4 responses to “Terrible Wedding Jokes!

  1. These belong on popsicle sticks.

    Ohhh! And they can double as wedding favors!

  2. Or you could have wedding crackers instead of Christmas crackers. The bad jokes are all part of the fun on Christmas morning! Wait, maybe that’s the champagne…. but there’s champagne at weddings too so I say it works!!

  3. Haha! i actually don’t hate the convict one…keep ’em coming…I love one liners and knock-knocks.

    Totally unrelated have you heard that one about the duck and the grapes?

    [in case no]

    Duck walks into a supermarket and asks the butcher: “Got any gwapes?”
    The butcher says: “No, we don’t have any gwapes.”
    Ducks goes back the next day: “Got any gwapes?”
    Butcher: “No, we don’t have any gwapes.”
    Next day, “Got any gwapes?”
    “No, we don’t have any gwapes, and if you come back here tomorrow I’m gonna staple your feet to the floor!”

    Next day: “Got any staples?”
    “No…we don’t have any staples??”
    “Got any gwapes?”

    Love it! Don’t know why.

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