We’ve talked about gift registries, but not all that much – it’s something we’re going to need to have some good discussions about to make sure we’re on the same page and want the same things, not just on a “stuff” basis but also just in general, the type of registry we want. It’s a weird and semi-awkward thing, picking the presents you want – it sort of feels icky sometimes. Like a lot of the wedding planning process, in fact. Fun, too, but icky.
“Baby,” Jessica said to me the other night, “I’ve been thinking about some of the things we should register for. I think we should register for some nice platters.”
“Platters?” I said.
“Yeah, like nice platters.”
“Why…” I said, “you’re mad as a platter.”
She ignored me. “You know how much we love serving food to people. Also, I think we should get a cake stand!”
I was worried she was getting into $100-melon-baller territory, which is of course the benchmark for silly and frivolous registry items. “I don’t know,” I said, “that’s pretty much a single-use item.”
“But baby,” she countered, “it makes cakes look SO GOOD! It’s better than like a panini press or a George Foreman grill.”
“Actually, both of those things have more uses than a cake plate,” I said, “or even a platter. And just yesterday you were saying how great Foreman grills are!”
“Aw, come on!”
“What’s the platter, baby?” I asked. She winced. “You’re mad as a platter,” I continued, as I wasn’t sure she’d heard me the first time. Turns out she had. I kept going. “You look so platterdemalion.* Um… platter up!”
*Jessica and I both recently read Cloud Atlas, just a really truly awesome book that we both loved, and our favorite vocabulary word from it was tatterdemalion. It means “ragged in appearance,” and it can also be used as a noun to describe a ragged person. Try using it in a conversation – you’ll totally make friends that way.
Later, she asked me what I wanted. I’ll admit I had some trouble thinking of things, but I said, “a nice set of dishes and flatware for sure. Maybe some nice sheets. Um… a nice blender?”
She shook her head no. “But a blender has more uses than a cake stand!” I protested.
“Look, there are a lot of things I don’t want on our registry.”
“Yeah, I hope those things account for like 99.9999999% of all things on Planet Earth.”
Some silence ensued.
“You’re mad as a platter,” I said.
Later, I went upstairs.
“For example, we don’t need a deep fryer,” she yelled from downstairs.
“An example of what?” I asked.
“Just an example.”
Still later we were looking through Macy’s online catalog of dishware. At one point we had a choice between clicking on Modern and Classic. “Which one should we look at?” Jessica asked me.
“Modern!” I suggested excitedly.
She looked crestfallen. “I like classic,” she said sadly.
Later on I exclaimed, “Oh my God. $108 for MEDIUM MIXING BOWL???”
*Note/disclaimer/PS: we are not intending, in any way, to make fun of anyone’s registry choices. People can and should register for whatever the heck they want. If a couple wants to register for 16 sterling silver garden gnomes, they should totally do it. Got it? Good.