Although the title of this post might perhaps lead you to deduce that in-fighting has been taking place between me and la missus around the idea of food at the wedding, nothing could be further from the truth. Actually, there is one thing that is further from the truth, but I’ll leave it to you, dear readers, to guess what it is – but that’s only if you dare to stray that far away from the truth. Only a few intrepid souls have ever attempted to venture so far from the truth, and none have returned.
NYWAY SO food feud: First, I think that’s a better term than Food Fight. Second, one of those sweet ladies told Jessica that food typically accounts for 50% of a wedding budget, which is somewhat of a sobering notion. Using a bit of rudimentary math, we calculated that for a $10,000 budget, we could be spending 5 G’s on food. The mere thought of spending that much money on dinner is pretty absurd,* and so of course we started discussing ways of chipping into that figure. Potluck? Appetizers only? Volunteers to do all the cooking? Imagination buffet? A traditional “Fasting Wedding?”
*[Here are the things I have ever spent at least $5,000 on: (1) Nothing ever before (2) Hopefully one day a house.]
But, the peoples’ gotta be fed – they’re picky like that. We’ve got a lot of research to do on how to bring down the cost of food, and I’m guessing that it may involve the letters D, I, & Y. And anyway, let’s keep some perspective here – $5,000 for 150 people comes out to $33.33/person, which really isn’t bad for a nice meal. It’s just that it’s 150 nice meals. It’s interesting to reflect upon your memories of wedding food – do you remember what you ate? If so, did you think it was important to the overall enjoyment of the event? If not, do you at least remember if you enjoyed it? Would you have been offended by the concept of a potluck wedding? Was the food fancy? Did it really need to be fancy? Did you take the leftover salmon puffs and stuff them in the various pockets of your purse? Because I really wish you hadn’t done that. Now the whole house smells like salmon.
Whatever we decide to do, Jessica has been a little “BBQ-crazy” and thus has been touting the idea of barbecue at the wedding for a while, and though she has encountered no resistance from me whatsoever, she keeps bringing it up as though I need some type of convincing. Her mom gave her a couple of bridal magazines recently and one of them had a feature on trendy foods to have at weddings. One of them was pulled pork sandwiches. Here is a photo of a pulled pork sandwich:
“Pulled pork sandwiches!” Jessica had exclaimed, pointing wildly at the magazine. You see, we’ve made pulled pork sandwiches a couple times, including recently for a 17-person dinner party. We made a large batch of pillow-soft rolls, which were neither pillowy nor soft but they were rolls, and also delicious, and the meal was a hit. Jessica made some fancy-pants coleslaw that had apples in it that went right on the pork, as well as ten pounds’ worth of potato salad.
“See,” she pleaded, “we’ve made this before and it was sooooo good! Everyone loved it! Why can’t we have this at our wedding??!?”
“Jessica,” I said mustering my finest sotto voce, “I love pulled pork sandwiches, I love barbecue in general, I love potato salad, and I would be delighted to serve it at our wedding.”
I think she was a little deflated – it’s kind of like when the best team, the team that is favored to win the championship, keeps claiming that they’re the underdogs for some reason and then you realize that it’s a sort of internal motivator, and then the newspapers point out that they’re actually the favorite and they get all defensive about it – but then when she saw the look of sincere earnestness in my eye (others call it a twinkle), it broke down her defenses and she decided to be excited about our agreement.
And so: We’re probably going to do our best to have barbecue at our wedding. But we’re beginners, and so we don’t know yet if that’s a reality or a pipe dream. But you can be sure that I will keep you posted.